Civil Sybil

I just thought of something to bitch about (oh joy!) : Christmas. Actually, I don't mind Christmas. It's all the family crap I cannot stand. I don't even mind the family crap - it's not MY family that drives me insane. It's my husband's family. I gather this is fairly normal hence all the in-law jokes, but still. There is nothing funny about spending the day with people you think are as dumb as nine chickens.
I've got the fruit loop mother-in-law, who is on her 3rd marriage and gazillionth house and still can't figure out that things will never make her happy. A man will never make her happy. Ironically, she reads a crapload of those stupid, self-help books. Not so ironically, they haven't helped. She actually read and tried to espouse the wisdom of that Suzanne Somers' self help book to me once. It's all I can do not to just slap the shit out of her (trying to knock some sense into her, of course), or hurl. Instead I nod and smile. So then I look like the idiot.
Then there's my father-in-law. Who has done highly illegal things. Not like killing anyone, but highly smarmy money things. To us. Meaning, my husband and I. I guess because my husband grew up with this ass all his life and probably dealt with crap like this all his life, it's easy for him to look the other way. Not so much for me. I haven't even talked to the man - except once when I absolutely had to - in about 7 months. Abscence does not make the heart grow fonder. At least not in this case. He is a narcissistic, lying, thieving pig. There - I said it. Me not like him.
There's my spoiled sister-in-law, who, actually, I like the most. But sometimes the "I must wear nothing but brand name things and drive pricey cars and if I don't get what I want then I will make your life a living hell" attitude can get to me. I mean, she's only 24, but she's always been like that. There's my alcoholic brother-in-law, who likes to explode verbally on people at random. Ticking timebomb sort. Not a violent guy, just has a huge chip on his shoulder. But who could blame him, raised by those two?! One more sister-in-law rounds out the family, and she was the only one smart enough to get outta Dodge and away from the rest. She seems to be doing well. She has a learning disability, but she was smarter than the rest. Sad. We also can't leave out the cheating, pasty uncle who gives me the creeps; his drunken wife with the DD's she got from ehr cheating husband; the money hungry grandpa; and various other aunts and uncles. The millionaire, pious uncle who also happens to be a complete tightwad and tried to sue his own brother and sister. (They probably deserved it.) The complete nutjob aunt who also stole from her own children (yes - the dad's sister) and runs if she sees a police officer. She was also caught trying to obtain medication at a pharmacy for her dead mother (who died 7 years ago).
I'm sure it's fairly normal to have so many crazies in the family, right?! Well, isn't it? Because I always feel like the freak when I am around these people. My family has it's problems but we don't force the others into it. We don't involve everyone or talk shit. If there's aproblem with someone, then you go to that person and explain yourself and hopefully something gets resolved. Isn't that how it's supposed to be?
I don't know. I guess I just expect too much from people. I know that at least it seems like there are more dysfunctional families than there are functional ones. Dysfunctional seems to be the norm. Most of the time, though, I feel like I have hit the dysfunctional jackpot in his family. I come home from family functions wanting to rip my OWN head off. I am grumpy, and annoyed, and wanting to bitch about them to someone, but I can't do that to my husband. So now, whoever reads this is going to have to hear about it. Lucky you. :)
So, since I've completely tired myself on the subject, I'll go to the damned Christmas functions, and grin and bear it. I will be civil, but inside I'll be screaming, "Get a fucking clue!!! Shut up! Dear LORD isn't it time to go home yet?", and no one will be the wiser. Except you and I. Civility rules.